UK reveal Eurovision songs... verdict: not a chance

Leave your Brexit worries at the door and file away your "everybody in Europe hates us" for another year - the UK have revealed a shortlist of tracks for this year's Eurovision Song Contest and the real reason we're doomed is because it's so poor.

But then, what's new? With just one top 10 in the past ten years, it's been a poor run of results for us Brits in Europe's biggest music competition.

Each and every year, we tirelessly remind ourselves that Europe won't vote for us because they hate us.

Each and every year, we conveniently forget that our entries are bloody average (or worse) and after all six entries were premiered on Ken Bruce's Radio 2 show on Monday morning, that's a trend that isn't about to be bucked any time soon.

Six acts, all of which have been plucked from the dark depths of the X Factor archives, will compete tonight vying to represent the UK at Eurovision in May and sure enough there's some great voices amongst the mix. But the voices are generally where the compliments stop.

Olivia Garcia - Freedom Hearts

Freedom Hearts is probably one of the strongest of the lot but still not that strong. It's a powerful pop ballad with some angsty vocals, which admittedly are quite impressive for a 16 year old. The song itself has potential but seems to plod along, meandering its way from verse to chorus with very little change in production. This results in something which is "nearly there but not quite" - a sentiment shared with just about every song in the selection.

Holly Brewer - I Wish I Loved You More

Yet again, not a bad song but certainly that nothing that hasn't been done before 10 times better. Taking a few pages from the Ryan Tedder book of power ballads (see Beyonce's Halo), Holly's track certainly feels slick, has a distinctive singalong chorus and is sung by an evidently strong vocal by Jess Glynne's former support act. Is it anything that will stick out among 25 other songs on the Eurovision stage in May? Probably not but it's a safe option for a good song.

Lucie Jones - I Will Never Give Up On You

Lucie Jones, probably most famous for being knocked out of X Factor in 2009 by Jedward (cue the boos), has, yet again, an undeniably fantastic voice. After years in musicals such as Rent and Ghost, there's no doubting she has the pipes but it's just a shame they couldn't have matched it with a better song. The song is emotive and allows her voice a chance to shine but it moves absolutely nowhere from the first second to the last second with very little production surrounding her. She deserves better than a stone cold bore and while she does her best to sell it, we're not quite sure this would be remembered after a long 3 hours in May when surrounded by the theatrics of her fellow Europeans.

Danyl Johnson - Light Up The World

Here we find another familiar face from the world of X Factor 2009, alongside Lucie Jones. However, unlike Lucie, he hasn't really been blessed with a song that does much for his vocals, instead coming off like some kind of poor attempt at re-creating Olly Murs with a cheap breakdown thrown in for good measure. There's something trying to be current here but when it's matched with a generic set of lyrics about "lighting up the world", a metaphor which has been wheeled out in every song about positivity ever, along with cheesy backing vocal shout outs, it's yet another song which reeks of amateur with a strong potential for it to be much better than the end product.

Salena Mastroianni - I Don't Wanna Fight

If we're looking to send the most current song in the pack, this is it. Sounding ever so slightly like a Clean Bandit track with tropical dance influences, this track is definitely the party starter of the bunch and god knows after four mid-tempos and ballads, it's a welcome change of pace. The biggest issue here are the lyrics, we're not sure anyone was after an "anti-war" and "anti guns" anthem to the tune of a tinny dance beat. If we can try and close our ears to the bizarrely preachy lyrics which seem to demand "putting down our weapons" in every second line, we can imagine Europe having a good mince to this in May.

Nate Simpson - What Are We Made Of?

And before you know it, you're thrown back to the drab ballads. With more than a touch of John Legend about it, there's a definite market for this kind of soul male bringing something touching to the table but this is now "All Of Me". It's not even particularly close. We're not sure who was hired for the lyrics this year but this is another one we're calling for the chopping block. "We've travelled to the moon, we've come so far" - how very profound. This is totally unremarkable and unforgettable, though yet again paired with a strong vocal that could do so much more but this is really not the one.

The entrant will be picked tonight on BBC2 at 7:30pm with Lucie Jones dubbed as favourite. In the mean time, we'll have our fingers crossed that something jumps out as being good enough when they hit the stage.